Beth Granter

Freelance digital consultant for charities

How not to do Tinder

So many people have such shit Tinder profiles it seems they need some advice. This really applies to any online dating profile. If you don’t use these sites, trust me, the following are all very common. If you do use these sites and need some advice, you’re welcome.

  1. No pictures of you snowboarding / skiing with goggles – I can’t see your face.
  2. Don’t have all your pictures with sunglasses on – I will assume you have weird eyes.
  3. Don’t have all your pictures as only close ups of your face – I will assume you have a physique I find unappealing.
  4. Not all black and white photos – I will assume you look much worse in colour.
  5. Don’t write “I like to laugh”. Who doesn’t? It makes me think you’re a dick.
  6. No pictures of you posing with a drugged up tiger or a dead fish. SOOO many fish.
  7. No pictures of you with weapons – I will think you might kill me.
  8. No pictures of you with children with no explanation – I want to know if they are yours or not.
  9. No pictures of you with other people kissing you or cuddling you when they are probably your ex – I don’t need to see that.
  10. No pictures of you sticking your tongue out or pulling a ‘hilarious’ (not hilarious) face – I can’t tell if you’re hot or not at all but I can tell you’re a dick.
  11. Don’t have all your pictures of you with a hat or head scarf on – I will assume you have weird hair or a weird shaped head.
  12. Don’t have the majority of your photos with other people as I won’t know who you are, don’t have time to cross reference to figure it out, and probably fancy your mate more than you.
  13. No pictures of your pet on its own. I don’t want to date your pet. A picture of you with your pet is fine.
  14. Don’t have all your pictures with you off in the distance doing fun and crazy exciting things in beautiful surroundings. I don’t care if you visited a nice mountain some time, I need to know if you have a face I want to kiss or not.
  15. Don’t have pictures of you topless or in just underwear unless you only want to meet people for sex.
  16. Don’t have all your pictures of you not smiling – I will think you are miserable / a dick / have a shit smile.
  17. Don’t look like this, you look like a murderer:

Please add other dating profile faux pas in the comments.

All of that said, I haven’t had any actual dates from Tinder so maybe I’m doing it wrong myself… then again if people stopped doing all of the above, maybe I’d swipe right more!


p.s. Thanks to my mate Nicole for contributing to some of the above! x

2 responses to “How not to do Tinder”

  1. I swear about 70% of profiles on OKCupid say “Trying to figure out what to do with my life”. Why not tell me some things you DO want to do with your life??? *block*

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