Step 1: Telephone call 1 to order new TalkTalk Pro 24Meg unlimited package. Told we had to sign up for the Essentials package, & wait for connection before upgrading to Pro. Tried again to demand we get Pro to start with. Told no, but assured we could upgrade later. Informed of £60 phone line connection fee. OK, signed up.

Step 2: Wait 10 days for telephone line to be connected.

Step 3: Telephone call 2 to upgrade to TalkTalk Pro. Told that package is not available to new customers and is only available for Tiscali customers. I told them I was told on sign-up that I could have it. They said this was incorrect and no new customers could get the Pro unlimited package.

Step 4: Researched alternatives, decided on Virgin Media via cable. Customer service popup chat on their website did a check on our address and confirmed we could just order by post, modem delivered 19th December, no installation engineer required.

Step 5: Telephone call 3 to cancel TalkTalk. Told that TalkTalk Pro package WAS in fact available to new customers. They then did a check on our line and told us that our line wouldn’t handle that speed though, so we couldn’t get the Pro package after all. Asked to cancel. Man at cancellations department asked why, I explained, he was extremely rude to me, finally agreed to cancel my account and confirmed I would not be charged the £60 connection fee (because I was sold it on false information).

Step 6: Ordered Virgin account and home delivery for 19th December.

Step 7: Received email from Virgin saying actually we DID need an installation engineer and one wouldn’t be available until 4th January.

Step 8: Telephoned Virgin to check and they confirmed we did need an engineer, despite previously being told otherwise.

Step 9: TalkTalk decide to send me a welcome pack and modem.

Step 10: Telephone call 4 to try to cancel TalkTalk again. Told account had not been canceled previously. Nice lady this time on cancellations department agreed to cancel my account, but told me I would be charged the £60 connection fee unless I disputed it. Told I’d be sent a return envelope for the modem. Put through to disputes. Told my account hadn’t been charged YET, but would inevitably be charged, at which point I would have to call again to dispute and they would credit me the £60 back.

Step 11: Grabbed passing Virgin man and asked him to check our Virgin wall box thing, he agreed we didn’t actually need an installation engineer. But by this time it was Christmas and too late to get a delivery by post.

Step 12: Virgin engineer arrived on time to PLUG IN modem for us. Thanks for that. That cost me £20 more than doing it myself. Anyway, we’ve now got internet (woo!) and it seems decently fast at a real speed of approx. 17Mb/s.

Really. It really shouldn’t be that complicated to get a new internet connection! And these companies should start hiring customer service people who get their facts right! Gggrrrrah!